The Conversation Manager

In any conversation there are always unspoken thoughts percolating away beneath the surface that can greatly affect the outcome of the exchange. Things like…

‘He’s not listening to a word I say.’
‘What’s she banging on about?’
‘Oops – that didn’t come out right...’

Thoughts like these often have nothing to do with the explicit subject of the conversation. They’re all about its process – how it’s going and how we see our role in it. While talking we’re also monitoring the mood, taking the emotional temperature, maybe keeping an eye on the clock; or maybe feeling intimidated, invigorated, bored, surprised, offended or any one of a thousand emotions.

All of these factors are being clocked, moment by moment in the background, by our 'Conversation Manager'. This is the part of our consciousness that basically decides who we to talk to, about what, and whether, when, where and how.

By bringing our Conversation Manager out of the shadows and into the light we can become more fully aware of the ‘operating system’ that governs how we approach conversation – and take greater charge of it.

In this way we can become increasingly skilled in the art of creative conversation, with all the benefits that brings to ourselves and others.